


I Am Thou, Thou Art I

by Ysavvryl



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Cat Fluff, Dreams, Maybe Time Travel, Other, Treat, maybe not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 15:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20566883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ysavvryl/pseuds/Ysavvryl
Summary: a.k.a weird narcissistic surrealism wrapped up in fluffy cat humor





	I Am Thou, Thou Art I

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cinereous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinereous/gifts).

There had been a spat and hissing and proud protests, even some showing of claws, but Akira finally dragged Morgana to a vet visit. Arguments of good health and preventing problems didn’t help; it took an injury that hurt his paw to get him to agree. In the exam, Morgana got embarrassed over almost everything. Akira had to lie again about Morgana being a stray that might not have been to a vet before. Then he had to swear up and down on the way back not to mention the talk about neutering. But his health checked out and the wound wasn’t as bad as it seemed.

Back in the café’s attic, Morgana tried to clean around his new bandage. “Man, this is going to be a pain,” he said. “I already had to be careful with walking and now I’ve got this thing on my paw. I don’t want to do something as lame as limping around!”

“Would you like some cheese with that whine?” Akira asked, sitting down on his bed next to the cat.

“Oh hardy har har,” Morgana retorted, shaking his head. Smirking, Akira rubbed around the cat’s collar. “Aah, don’t t-try to squirm out of making fun of me! No, no, mmm…” he began purring and rubbed his head into his hand. “Mmm, can you get between the shoulders?”

He did as asked until Morgana got so into it that he flopped over into Akira’s lap. “You feel better?”

“I, I guess,” Morgana said, still trying to deny it. “I went through a lot, can’t you let me whine?”

“It wasn’t anything more than a normal doctor or vet visit,” Akira said.

Morgana stayed where he was, lying his head down. “At least it’s over with and I don’t have to go through it ever again.”

Akira clamped down Morgana’s head. “You should have a yearly check-up at least.”

“Aw, please no?” Morgana sighed. “I hope it won’t involve more shots. Can we just go to bed?”

“I suppose you had a trying day,” Akira teased him. “All right, good night Morgana.”

The cat yawned, stretching his legs out. “Right, good night Akira.”

While Morgana fell asleep quickly, Akira had too many thoughts running through mind to sleep easily. There was so much going on, so much to figure out and do. And running through it all was the thought, was this right? It was a question that kept coming back to him, from his allies, from his enemies, from himself, from strangers. He kept assuring his friends that they had to believe in their own justice. But he couldn’t help but wonder about it too. He wanted it to be right; he wanted it to work out.

But what if… what if?

For a moment, he picked up his glasses from the shelf to look over them. There wasn’t a way to know, but he wondered idly if his Treasure might end up as a pair of glasses. Treasures were manifestations of warped desires; Akira was fairly certain that his desires weren’t warped. Then again, a lot of the Shadows and the people they originated from didn’t think that their desires were warped either. But the glasses had been a part of how his life changed, using them for other than their intended purpose.

When he wore them, it was harder for others to see his eyes. That led to his expression being harder to read, something he’d learned to do already. In middle school, Akira had discovered that keeping outwardly calm and knowing how to watch others caused them to warm up to him quickly. Listening to people in the right way would get them to trust him, even divulge secrets they wouldn’t normally speak of. He could offer a few tidbits about his own thoughts and experiences, nothing too deep. And yet he could get others to trust him with so much more about themselves. His father had suggested the glasses, since they silently suggested to others that he wasn’t a violent person.

Setting his glasses back down, Akira closed his eyes and tried to get to sleep. There wasn’t much of a point to these thoughts. Good listening and subtle tricks got him a varied group of unwitting supporters. While basic, those two matters were key to his success as a phantom thief. But was it right to force a change of heart… and what exactly was he after himself?

What was he after…

Freedom. Of course.

Yes, he was free and he could run wherever he wanted… yeah, he was dreaming now, so he was asleep and didn’t have to worry about not falling asleep. He was Joker, someone who kept to the shadows and didn’t need to live up to anyone’s expectations. Outside of normal reality, he was a shadow slipping from place to place, only seen out of the corner of the imagination. He could affect the lives of others. They wouldn’t realize it, but that was fine by him. He wouldn’t be a phantom thief if he wanted attention. Nothing could trap him, no chains, no maze…

The maze was fun to dart through. No Shadows, nothing that was remotely a threat. Joker wasn’t sure what he was here for, but the reason didn’t matter. Just being here was good enough. After all, there was surely something good here. He felt it, it was near…

Then he spotted someone else in the maze: his old self in the uniform of his previous school. He was looking around uncertainly. Knowing himself, Joker was sure the younger Akira wouldn’t be lost for long. Still, if he ran into any Shadows around here, he could be in trouble. Joker trailed him just in case, as it wouldn’t do to have his past self killed off. It was a dream though, so that didn’t really matter. Still, he followed after to watch over him.

A couple of phantoms walked out of the walls near the younger Akira. “There’s sure to be rumors, but keep these,” one of them said, a familiar phrase with a familiar motion of touching his glasses. It was his father. “People don’t expect those with glasses to be violent, so they might not connect the rumors to you.”

“Thanks,” the younger Akira said, keeping the courage to not appear as nervous as he felt. Behind them, Joker frowned. The glasses did help with that image, but Kamoshida would see to it that the attempt didn’t matter.

“And try to keep quiet, even if it’s tough,” his mother said, worried about him. “Your best chance at a good future now is to get through this without it becoming a stain. Although, it’s absolutely terrible that this happened all because you were doing what’s right.”

“Well…” his father said, hesitating. Then he nodded. “Well that’s true. We believe in you, Akira; we’re doing what we can for you.”

“Thanks,” the younger Akira said in a quieter voice. “But what happened?”

All around them, the walls erupted into angry dark flames. The phantoms of their parents walked away; Akira tried to walk after them, but noticed the fire around him. He looked afraid and fiddled with his glasses, trying to restrain his anger and act quietly as they’d advised. Voices slipped out from the maze’s shadows: don’t disrupt the peace, cooperate with adults because they said so, do as you’re told, leave others to their own business, don’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. Stay in the place given to you, even when your heart fiercely beats in rebellion. That’s not worth it.

He was adorable at that time, trapped in social expectations and starting to see the truth of it all. Akira had a way to him that was like others Joker had seen: obedient, polite, and holding a burning frustration just below the surface that wanted to break out of the false shell to follow his true ideals. Someday soon, he would break through it all and take control of those dark fires within. He wanted to be himself; he wanted to help others rather than mind his own business. Joker remembered those feelings quite well.

After the younger Akira had run for a while, trying to find a way out of the fire, Joker quietly slipped behind him and grabbed his shoulders. “You could jump to the top of these panels and get out by running over the flames.”

“Huh?” He turned his head, startled but not afraid of him.

“I know you can,” he said, smiling and moving just enough to be seen. “I know you can do much more than anyone expects out of you, even yourself.”

“Who are you?” the younger Akira asked. He moved his hands and got startled by the clanks of chains tied to his wrists.

“You’ll know before long,” Joker said, stepping in front of him and touching his forehead to tease him. Then he jumped up to the top of the wall, crouched down, and beckoned him to follow. “Come on.”

His eyes were wide in surprise, and admiration. “I’m not sure…”

“Come on,” he repeated, putting his hands on his knees. “Live up to your own expectations and you’ll be fine.”

“Huh?” His spirit was trying to win out, but his mind was arguing against, as it used to.

Joker smiled down at Akira. “I know it doesn’t seem worth the effort. There’s always someone smarter out there, someone more talented, and then your parents are always pushing for something more. As long as you keep trying to meet the goals of others, it’s too exhausting to keep up with. But live for yourself and you’ll do just fine. Come on, follow me up.”

“Who are you?” Akira asked, bewildered. Joker chuckled and beckoned him up. After bracing himself, Akira did his best to jump onto the wall too. Joker had to catch his hand to steady him, but he got up too. “Thanks, I was lost.”

“You might not have gotten out if you stayed in the fire,” Joker said, gesturing to the layout of walls around them. If he’d realized the nature of this maze, he might’ve taken him out immediately. Then he got up and hopped over the walls to leave the area.

“H-hey, wait,” Akira called, following after him before he realized what he was doing. He had to grab the chain to keep from hitting his knees with it. Then the walls behind him started crumbling, causing him to cry out and hurry.

Grinning as this was no problem, Joker led him off the maze. There was a strange landscape outside the burning maze, one where a multitude of bright stars were reflected in the soft cloudy ground. A large lake lay placid there, its surface even more of a mirror image than the clouds. All around the horizon, there was a ring of warm color that was difficult to identify as dawn or dusk. It was a strange heavenly night that would be a welcome change from the dark fires of the maze. Once among the clouds, Joker felt a peace like freedom. Like freedom? No, something was off… but it was peace and they wouldn’t be disturbed.

He caught his younger self as he jumped off the burning walls. “Told you so.”

“You’re amazing,” he said as the burning maze faded behind him. He might only be saying it because it was a dream.

“I’m who you want to be,” Joker said, toying with Akira’s hair.

“How do I be like you?” he asked, filled with an admiration and longing that gripped onto Joker’s sleeves and didn’t want to let go.

Feeling giddy and not caring about why, he answered, “In time, all in due time. Of course, you’ll end up with your back to the wall, a sword to your throat, and your reputation utterly destroyed before you can become me.” Akira looked horrified at the thought. While a sensible thought said he should back off, Joker kissed him lightly on the cheek instead. “Don’t worry,” he said softly, lingering close. “Do what’s right even if it’s tough and you won’t regret it. We’ll be free someday.”

“Are those your true feelings?”

That wasn’t the younger Akira, though. It was someone behind him. The younger Akira gripped him for a moment before fading away. When he looked back towards the lake, the dream shifted like the passing from reality to the Metaverse. It took him back out of being Joker, back to being Akira in his pajamas. He soon spotted something out of place, a silhouette of a figure in a long coat… and then the silhouette snapped his fingers and the entire lake shattered like glass. Torrential bloodied rain fell around them and the clouds below were swept away, revealing a building where the walls had been torn away by some tremendous force. Rough seas flailed around them and somewhere far in the distance, there was a cruise ship sailing around with no regards for the weather.

A gale tore right through him as lightning made the surroundings much too bright; he felt like he was going to end up swept away in that sea. Then whoever had wrecked the peaceful lake swept in like a shadow, tackling him into a corner where some remaining walls and ceiling kept them sheltered. While there weren’t many chances to catch his reflection in the Metaverse, Akira recognized the white mask. This was Joker? Gold flickered across his hidden eyes as he smiled aggressively. Akira’s heart pounded as he realized that while he was more than he used to dream of, he still had far to go in how much better he could be.

“You want to be so free that you can admit your sinful love for someone so ostracized?” Joker asked, so close that Akira could feel the words on his face. The raging storm and sea somehow quieted, becoming a blur past their shelter. “Someone whom others at school so fear that they don’t dare ask about the cat in your desk? You want to declare to the world that whatever they may think, you are proud of how you live your life? Heh, your will is unspeakable, and breath-taking.”

“I will believe in myself, no matter what may happen,” he said. It was a dream; he put a hand behind Joker’s back, wondering how it was to pin him close like no one else had.

“You will fall much further,” he said, then kissed him on the lips. “You’re already falling. But yes, believe in yourself and your justice.” And kissed him again, longer this time. “Cast these doubts and common sense away. In the end, you will have everything, including true freedom.” Then he kissed him even more, not holding back on his passion. It burned away all else save the excitement and bliss, even briefly forgetting to dream.

Then Joker wasn’t there in his arms. The dreamscape was hazy except for him standing across the way. Snow fell gently around them; things seemed strangely gray. “You’re here to entice me on through the depths of hell, huh?” Akira asked, wanting to entice him back.

“You could say that,” Joker said. “That’s all you need to hear at this time: go forward with confidence. Except, I should warn you, be careful to whom you declare your love to, even myself. Only do so once, and not in the heat of the moment. I know, it’s wonderful fun to watch their crushes grow and get them ensnared by the heart. If you aren’t careful, well,” he turned serious, not even about to tease him, “you’ll regret it far more than if you were struck with divine retribution. Those around you will not mess around when it comes to love.”

“Alright,” he said. It was something he wouldn’t admit awake. He knew who was falling for him and had quietly daydreamed over how each might react. However, he’d yet to confirm to anyone if he wanted to be more than friends.

Then Joker laughed again. “Although, it could be hilarious to use love to provoke divine retribution. It’s exceedingly dangerous, but try declaring your love to Akechi. The wrath of heaven would fall upon you for that. Still, the reaction you’d get would be unlike anything that has come before.” His mirth settled down to a chuckle as he removed his mask and came back over. Things got hazy and Akira stretched out a hand to reach him.

Akira blinked, then had a difficult time opening his eyes again. He felt like he was being pushed down, something heavy on his chest. Joker? No… he got his eyes opened and realized that he was in bed now. He was awake. On his chest, a black mound of fur moved lightly in sleep. Morgana. Akira rubbed at his eyes, hoping the movement would wake the cat up.

When it didn’t, he sighed and looked over at the windows. A pale glow from the sky and an electric glow from a streetlight came in, along with a breeze that hadn’t fully shaken off the summer heat despite the night. Moving as well as he could without fully throwing Morgana off, he retrieved his phone. Sunday… he needed to go over to the laundromat to get his clothes cleaned, do his homework in the meanwhile. Then, what to do… he didn’t have any plans, but it was the right time to deliver the calling card back to Futaba. That could be the best use of this day.

“Divine retribution, huh?” he mumbled, the dream still vivid in his mind. Right, he should be confident in himself. That allowed his friends to have confidence in him. And it was probably good advice to not cheat on his love, whoever that might end up being. But, divine retribution? For somehow becoming close enough to the Detective Prince to say he loved him… Akira smirked. It made no sense, but then neither did the Metaverse to those who weren’t aware of its existence.

Morgana stretched once he chuckled at an idea. “What’s so funny?” he said, then yawned widely.

Thinking quickly, Akira tapped the cat’s head. “I was just thinking, you know, that I might be late and have to explain to the school that my cat was torturing me by the press with his own weight.”

“I am not that heavy,” Morgana said, then gasped. “Huh? What, are you late? I’m sorry, so so sorry,” he quickly got to his feet and looked at his face.

Chuckling again, he pointed out the window. “No, and it’s Sunday.”

Glaring at him, Morgana said, “Geez, don’t do that to me!”

Akira rubbed Morgana’s head. “I’ll consider that if you don’t go sleeping on top of me.”

“Aw, but you’re so warm and cozy,” he said, lying down again and looking at him. “I like snuggling up to you.”

He gave a dramatic sigh and put his hands behind his head. “That’s sweet. I might just tell Ann about this since she’d find it cute. Unless she figures out the innuendo behind it…”

“No, don’t you dare!” Morgana cried in alarm, his eyes wide and his ears back.

“But we’re always sleeping together,” he said.

“It’s not an innuendo because I’m a cat for now, okay?”

“Fine, I won’t tell,” Akira said. “Come on, I need to go over to the laundromat this morning, and maybe help Boss with opening up shop. We should think about the calling card too. Do you need me to clean your litter box?”

Morgana got up and hopped off the bed. “Later, just don’t forget about it before we go off into the Palace. You should probably shower too.”

“Okay, Mom,” he said in exasperation, making Morgana chuckle.

While he was gathering up his laundry, Akira’s thoughts came back to the dream. If he could seduce himself, could he seduce anyone? Even Akechi? Or it might just all be some figurative mess. And had he had the dream before? There were things that felt familiar. At any rate, he felt cheerful and certain that he could do whatever he put his mind to. Even becoming truly free. Even pursing a love that others might find strange. That is, when he knew who he wanted to fully trust with his own heart.

Beyond himself, of course.


End file.
